What Would Jerry Do?

I was thinking recently about a question that I might ask Jerry Seinfeld (if he ever became a reader of this blog): of the major characters on your show, which would have been the most likely to win a Big Idea contest (like the contest sponsored by Brandeis University)? Personally, I think that it’s a crowded and highly competitive field:

George Constanza clearly seems to be the strongest “resume candidate”, since he was president of Vandelay Industries, worked as (or impersonated) a marine biologist and architect, served as Assistant to the Travelling Secretary with the New York Yankees, and previously won another major competition (i.e. he was Master of His Own Domain).

Cosmo Kramer would seem to have an edge in creativity: the homeless rickshaw business, the make-your-own pizza restaurant, and the Japanese businessmen’s hotel (using dressers as bedrooms) definitely broke new ground in unconventional thinking.  He was certainly “out of the box” (even if some of his ideas should have never left that box).

Elaine Benes, however, clearly had the most talent as a writer. Remember, she worked both as an editor for Pendant Publishing, and later worked in advertising for the J. Peterman catalog. She certainly could knock out a book worth reading. I can just picture what she would write: there I was, blissfully hiking up a makhtesh in the Negev, when a large rock started tumbling in my direction. I had to chance to evade its course, yet one thing fortunately stood between me and a perilous fate: my trusty Artscroll Pocket Siddur, conveniently tucked into my pocket. Bilingual, bidirectional, yet always finding its way into my heart; small enough to fit into a large pocket, yet large enough to provide more than mere spiritual protection. It truly offers a mixture of Torah and touchability at once.  Available in two editions (Nusach Ashkenaz and Nusach Sepharad).

Jerry Seinfeld himself would probably produce the proposal with the most insightful observations regarding the current state of world Jewry. I imagine statements like this:Why do we call our language Hebrew, if at least half of the people speaking it are female? Shouldn’t we really call it She-brew instead?

Finally, we have Newman. While his talents are not immediately noticeable, he does have a couple of things going for him: he’s crafty (useful for dealing with any organizational politics) and he works for the post office (maybe he could intercept somebody else’s Big Idea and submit it as his own – of course, he would probably wind up stealing one of Kramer’s ideas, which would probably do him little good).

I am not really sure what all of this proves: that art imitates life, or that I spend too much time watching Seinfeld re-runs. (I think that my wife would attest to the latter…).